Mansplaining is still a thing — try some “fauxtitude” to shut it down

“I can’t believe mansplaining is still a thing,” my colleague said, describing a recent work meeting. After she presented her idea, the guy sitting beside her rephrased and took credit for what she said.

Unfortunately, she’s not alone. Recent studies showed that 57% of women have experienced mansplaining about their work, and 46% of employees are affected by bullying at work. Toxic behaviors like this make employee resignation 10 times more likely, costing businesses a trillion dollars each year.

I told my colleague the same thing I tell my clients — next time, try fauxitude. Say something like, “I’m so glad you agree with me, Tom! Do you have anything to add to my idea?”

Fauxitude — or faux gratitude — directly addresses the issue while keeping a professional tone. While some people may say it’s a touch passive aggressive, it’s a step toward assuming best intent. We often become frustrated or angry at work when we believe our colleague said something to be competitive or malicious. While some folks are straight-up bullies, others are misguided. With fauxitude, we’re faking it-til-we-make it with regards to giving thanks. We’re maintaining a positive outlook while communicating to everyone present that we need to be acknowledged for our contribution.

Jehann Biggs, president and owner of the ecoluxury store, In2Green, described another way to use fauxitude, “If someone starts explaining something I already know, I tell them, ‘I’m familiar, but thank you for sharing.’” Maria Chamberlain, president at Acuity Solutions, uses this approach to “shift the direction of the conversation to collaboration. For example, ‘Thank you for the input, I’ve actually handled this extensively, so maybe we can discuss the next steps? And please feel free to ask any questions you have about my approach.’”

While fauxitude can alter the tone of the moment in positive ways, it doesn’t solve the core of the issue: Men are still talking over women, and women are expected to communicate differently than men. Andrea Javor, an executive vice president in corporate marketing who has worked in male-dominated industries for two decades was often told by men that the way she phrased things was “too emotional.”

“In places where I've worked, I feel confidence was rewarded, but it was only recognizable when it came in a certain package,” Javor said. "I felt that as a woman I was brought up to communicate within the confines of what others expected — and maybe that was wrong — but I saw my mom and other female role models being measured, likable, sometimes assertive but not aggressive. I found men at work celebrated for bluntness or dominance, sometimes not with a big blatant promotion but an invite to a leadership meeting or getting a career coach before I did.”

These constraints on women’s communication style are well-documented in research, and studies show that women are judged more harshly than men for their communication style, negatively impacting advancement to leadership roles. The problem isn’t that women intrinsically communicate differently from men – it’s that women are perceived differently. Studies show that when women signal ambition, assertiveness, or dominance, it can result in workplace penalties. While women are expected to show agreeableness, care and altruism, they aren’t rewarded when they do, but men are.

Fauxitude takes on another more general but profound meaning when we are required to maintain a falsely pleasant and accommodating attitude, regardless of our true feelings, powerful ideas and drive to collaborate and succeed. Javor illustrates the harm of this requirement, which inordinately impacts marginalized groups, “Women, trans folks and people of color are expected to frame their ideas within the established confidence norms in order to be taken seriously, which is a subtle but powerful form of corporate gatekeeping.”

Of course, the onus should be on the offending party to confront their own biases and behaviors. Employers are also responsible for creating and sustaining inclusive and welcoming work environments. A 2024 Gallup poll suggests that the high turnover across all sectors in the U.S. is preventable — if employers work harder to check in with employees about job satisfaction. Administrators and supervisors can collaborate to identify and change the situation by making a practice of consistently prompting meaningful conversations and truly listening. In an inclusive workplace, fauxitude would be rendered unnecessary. “Everyone is entitled to work in a space where they don't have to manage the emotions of individuals who disrespect them,” said Kelsey Szamet, an award-winning employment lawyer.

If you encounter mansplaining — or other forms of demeaning communication — it’s important to check with yourself before you respond. I tell my clients to ask themselves, “What do I feel?” and “What do I want to do?” If it doesn’t feel safe to address it in the moment, you can always talk to the individual in private — or with HR present — to unpack the nuances of the situation and make reparative decisions to prevent a repeat.

I’ve worked in public school, higher education, medicine and the private sector for the last 15 years. Even in women-dominated fields like mine, my ideas have been discredited, dismissed and reexplained. I strongly believe in honesty and authentic communication, but without a strong workplace policy on accountability and equity, fauxitude can be a powerful tool to communicate your sincere wish to claim credit where it’s due.

The idea with fauxitude is to avoid snarkiness, and remain both authentic and kind. If you have the internal resources available and feel safe enough to self-soothe and stay professional, fauxitude can make you a compassionate advocate for your own inclusion.

“It simply means we choose to begin from a place of grace," said Danaya Wilson, founder and CEO at BetterCertify. "If clarity is needed, ask for it. If lines are crossed, name them. But let us start with hope. Is that not the kind of world we all want to live and work in? One where empathy fuels progress — and where women no longer question whether their voice belongs?”